155

Well we are confirmed!  There was a super strong 155 heartbeat, and yes there is a baby in there!  But not so fast there.  Don't go running around telling people yet.  Kiddo is only measuring 7 weeks instead of 8 at which the 40 week gestational calendar would place me.  The doctor and I are not concerned since I am sometimes a 34 day cycle person instead of the ever so common 28 day people.  TMI?  Anyway, this discovery made me celebrate my decision to push the appointment to the 8th week instead of the standard 7.  The doctor also thanked me, since no one wants to see that there isn't a heartbeat only to find out it was only because the calendar is slightly different for some.

Now due to the fact that I'm measuring more than a week off we will be going back in two weeks to confirm growth.  At that time I should be measuring about 9 weeks, which makes me feel more confident about sharing the news with our friends and family.  The dance studio will just have to wait to hear the news, since I don't want every parent to know, especially if I happen to miscarry over the summer.  That would be an awkward August full of telling people the bad news.  The big bummer is that I really wanted to be the one to tell my students, but now the news will probably gradually filter out mid-summer.  There are not many secrets around a dance studio.

We're very excited, although it's not bubbling over, since I'm still super tired and queasy, and not many people know.  In fact, I'm kinda freaking out a bit! :)

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Confirmation

I got a call from the doctors office today to confirm my confirmation appointment.  Also to confirm that I have no other insurance that I maybe forgot to list, because we don't have maternity coverage.


Tomorrow, tomorrow ... you're only a day away.


I'm nervous about tomorrow.  What we'll see.  If we'll hear anything.  But talking and writing about it only makes it worse.  I can't premeditate my reaction one way or the other, so for now I'll just settle for the update on what should be going on (via "thebump"):


Baby is now the size of a raspberry!
Baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk.  Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs, and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy.


Playing host to an ever-growing embryo does take a toll.  Heavy fatigue may be setting in.  Treat yourself gently.  Though it's not showing yet, you're growing a little person in there!

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28 years; 7 weeks preggo

So it was my birthday this past Tuesday!  I'm a big fan of my birthday.  I think this stems from always feeling like there was never a date to have a party, and sometimes not really having a party when I was younger.  May's always so crazy.  I usually had a banquet, dress rehearsal, recital, final exam, or graduation on my birthday or the weekend closest to it.  I used to hate that I had a May birthday, but now I love it.  May is such an exciting month!  The weather is usually nice.  Everyone is excited about the end of the school year, and the promises of an awesome summer.

For my birthday this year Hubs whipped up some french toast with sliced peaches ... yumm.  I didn't even mind that we didn't have syrup (a couple of months ago I finally threw out a bottle that we had had for years ... not that high fructose corn syrup goes bad!)  We met up for a late lunch with my sister and parents at Haven, which has become a new favorite.  We sat on their patio, by a pretty water feature enjoying a shrimp corn dog, deviled eggs, a delicious and tender steak, and freshly made lemonade.

After lunch I went straight to teach, where I wasn't the nicest teacher in the whole world, but apparently cracked up my Intermediate & Advanced Ballet students.  Who knew I was so funny?  Unfortunately my Ballet 2As (average age 7), got into a little trouble because they couldn't hold still for more then 10 seconds (maybe not even that long), but they all gave me hugs at the end of class with cheery "happy birthdays", so I couldn't have been that mean.

Last night after I finished teaching Hubs and I went out with our awesome friends Randi and Donald to Beaver's.  Their ginger soda is a new addiction! SO GOOD.  It was such a fun time of catching up, and I was totally planning on telling Randi about the belly, but just never felt the overwhelming desire.  In fact I didn't invite other people to join so that I could tell her/them.  However, she graduates this weekend, and all of her sisters will be in town, and I'll be around, and I think that she would want to tell her sisters: I know I found out about some of their pregnancies before they told their friends.  And I totally don't mind them knowing since they live in different states, and I never see them, and if I miscarry she'll be the one to have to share the news.  BUT, I'm going to see them all this weekend.  That, and I've waited this long to tell people, I might as well wait till the confirmation appointment on Tuesday.

Speaking of the belly and confirmation appointments: Sunday the 15th marked 7 weeks preganant.  According to "the bump": Baby's brain -- bothe hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about one hundred new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place.


On Monday I was really wishing I hadn't changed the appointment, and would be going to the doctor on my birthday, but now that the day has passed, and I'm now only 5 days away, I feel fine.  I'd rather the results of the ultrasound were more conclusive than kind of know one week sooner.  Hopefully the belly has a perfectly formed heart that is beating strongly, and if not, I have peace about that too.

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The Belly

The belly does not like warm water on it, especially from the shower.  Which is unfortunate because I love a warm shower.

The belly has a very keen sense of smell: towels washed in bleach. towels that smell like face. hair products. massage cream. my upper lip.  the area my dog sleeps in.  Fortunately none of the smells add to the queasiness.  It's just odd, though, since I already had a pretty sensitive sense of smell.

The belly only wants a few bites of something before saying "enough."

The belly is not good at communicating what food sounds appetizing.

Thoughts of certain foods or things make the belly uneasy.

Bumpy car rides, emotional excitement (positive or negative/ from self or others), and waistbands of all kinds are not friendly to the belly.

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Tummy troubles

So I'm not even going to complain.  I have an aunt and friend who spent every morning vomiting during the beginning of their pregnancies.  Waves of queasiness are nothing.  Cramping? It comes in waves.  Usually a few slow breaths calm things down.  That, and moving my waist band so that it's not putting pressure on my belly!  But what's so weird is my eating.  I get hungry without warning, and then full less than halfway through.  It's so strange.  Like just now I sat down with 4 small rectangles of dark chocolate: less than 3.5 grams, and couldn't finish.  I caved and bought a McFlurry while at the gas station today only to be "over it" 4 bites in (too bad I decided to finish it).

I've been doing more paleo/ primal research, such a stark contrast from being vegetarian, and am finding it really interesting.  I have a pretty ridiculously good diet (McFlurry aside), but I still have some major weaknesses: my organic lightly salted popcorn that I eat in mass, tortilla chips, and way too much rice (Chipotle anyone?).  I also need to up the spinach and good grass-fed beef intake.  Who wants to come over and prepare a steak salad for me every day!?

I've also been feeling pretty tired earlier in the evening and sleeping solidly.  I can't for the life of me figure out how to sleep on my side again.  I've become an exclusive back sleeper!  I guess I'll have to go for one of those big pillows, but I still think I'll wake up with my arms numb and tingly.  I also feel that I've lost all ability to hold my stomach muscles.  I already had a little pooch (I've ALWAYS had a little pooch), but now I just can't hold anything.  Maybe yoga tomorrow morning will help.

Not really sure where I'm going with all of this, so I'm going to end here.

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Happy Mother's Day

A review in pictures:

On the first cruise: loving the new hair (on both of you!)

2nd cruise of the day!

Surprise!

All in all it was a wonderful day, and we got to share the big news with Mom & Dad-o!  There were some tears of joy ...

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Teacher appreciation week

A gift from one of my students this week.  Tulips are my favorite!

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Water, water! More water!

So the past two weeks I've been more thirsty than usual.  I was chalking it up to dance classes, where I was talking non-stop cleaning dances for recital.  But today I did not teach, and my mouth has felt so dry all day.  I've packed away 3 liters of water, and yet I'm still thirsty.  The oddest part is that I haven't had to pee a lot. I have been told I have an iron bladder ... whatever that means!

Day 3 of knowing I'm preggo and feeling a little happier and more positive each day.  And silly as it sounds, that kind of scares me.  If I let myself get too excited, I'm going to be all the more upset if things don't work out.  I also changed my first doctor visit to a week later, May 24th.  Will this just give me more time to get excited? We'll see.  And what will be, will be.

I'm thirsty.

Please note that I ordinarily use a Nalgene water bottle, but in a moment of thirst on wednesday, bought this. It's filtered tap water inside.

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Going to the Doctor

So as soon as I got the results of my pregnancy test I called my OB/GYN. They like to do the first visit in week 7 or 8. The first available date was May 17th. My birthday.  I'd be 7 weeks and 2 days pregnant.

I'm thinking about changing it to a week later, but am feeling so conflicted. Part of me wants to go as soon as possible, but part of me also wants to be more certain about the baby's health after the appointment.

I just really want to see a heartbeat.

Most women average a 28 day cycle. I was averaging 34. This means that the fetal age would be calculated at 5 weeks, but I might really only be 4. And even though I know everything goes by date of LMP, I might only measure 6 weeks. But even at 6 weeks we should be able to see the heart beating. But what if the heart stops, and I don't know it until my next appointment in 4 weeks? I don't know if that's a case for or against moving the visit to the following week: my second appt would occur sooner, but a heartbeat later (week 8 vs. week 7) is a stronger indicator of survival.

I also really want to let myself start getting excited, because I feel the excitement swelling. I'm happy, although still reserved. I also really want to start telling close friends, though I swore I'd wait till I heard the heart.

On mother's day we are going to tell the hubs' parents. The odd thing is, this was my mother-in-law's idea. Because I didn't have a mimosa Easter weekend, and because I'm going out with both my family and their's on mother's day, she thought that I was planning on telling them then. I debunked this claim to my SIL, the weekend before I knew that I actually was preggo. However, I thought it was a really cute idea, and kinda wished that was why I was planning the day as such.

So good idea Mom-o, hope you're a little surprised! :)

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2 pink lines

On May 4th at 7:30 in the morning I saw this.

Yup I'm pregnant.

At first when I saw them I wasn't excited at all. I was nervous. I stood in the guest bathroom for a couple of minutes breathing and trying to figure out how I felt. I didn't know. I felt like just staying there and keeping it a secret. This moment always seemed like it should be a jumping up and down moment. I walked back to the bedroom and tapped on the open door. Surely Hubs hadn't fallen back asleep. He had beaten me to the master bathroom to pee, and wasn't the first thing on his mind that morning that I was taking a pregnancy test!? Apparently not. I tapped a little louder and he looked up very confused. I don't remember what exactly I said; I think I just held up the test. He hugged me with excitement. I was speechless.

I went off to work to give 3 massages, and surprisingly didn't think about it much. It didn't seem real. Afterward, I went to my parent's house, where I first told my mom. I just showed her the picture of the test on my phone. She said, "does that mean you are!?" in a quiet but excited tone, my dad was in the living room and could hear us. When I nodded she gave me a shushed "oooooh!" which if you know my mom is showing a lot of giddiness and enthusiasm. It immediately made me feel more calm, and a little bit excited.

I tried to be clever with the way that I told my dad, but he was too doped up on meds (he had his knee replaced last week) to catch my subtlety. Finally I spilled the news outright and he said something like, "good, that's good." And then reminded me that I probably shouldn't be telling people yet. "Yes Dad."

When I hugged my mom goodbye she said, "I'll be much more excited for you in 3 months." I let her know that her reaction was perfect, and that I totally understand. My mom had 2 miscarriages between my sister and me: the second happening late in the 1st trimester, and only 1 or 2 months before I was conceived. My sister's first pregnancy was a miscarriage as well. I've always kind of had it in my head that my first would also be a miscarriage. I've been preparing for it. I already have a to-do list for after I miscarry:

eat a lot of sushi

drink a lot of red wine

paint the front bedroom and dining room
    donate blood

But that's not actually why I was nervous when I saw the double lines. It just gave me anxiety. Like, "do I really want this?"

Later that night I called my sister and told her to grab her phone. She knew immediately why. I had emailed her a picture of the test. She was giddy and apparently had a big goofy smile on her face, just as I had for her both times she had told me her news. She helped me feel a bit more relaxed about the news, and even a little excited.

Here's to the pregnancy journey, no matter how long it actually lasts.

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