Etiquette: Thank you notes

Random thoughts on "thank you" notes.

So I kind of suck at "thank you" notes. I have lots of excuses that I could offer you: my parents never made me, when I write them I want to make sure that I have plenty of time to focus and make them genuine, I want to use or put to use the gift so that I can properly thank the gift giver, sometimes it takes me a while to really appreciate a gift, once I write a thank you note I don't always have the address, or stamps, and sometimes forget about them!  Maybe I'm just bad at being thankful.

My parents never made me.

In my immediate family it always seemed to be okay that if the person were present to see you open the present, and you were able to thank them immediately ... there was no need to write a note.  OR if you talked to the person that day, as we often did at Christmas or on birthdays, and were able to express thanks to them over the phone, a note was not necessary.  I don't think this was ever said, it's just sort of what I felt growing up.  I understand now the courtesy of sending a note, but as a child it also just felt redundant and shallow, "Dear _______, Thank you for the ___________, I really like it.  Love, Me.

When I write them I want to have plenty of time to focus & make it genuine.

I call it Lazy OCD, my sister calls it being a procrastinator perfectionist.  No matter how you define it, we both have it.  Basically we wait till we have enough time set aside to really delve into a project before we even start.  This results in a lot of un-started projects, and guilt of not getting to them.  In the past 2 years I think that I've mostly put aside this issue: usually by being honest with myself, "you're never going to get to that project, just throw such and such away, it's just creating clutter & guilt."  But it's not just the getting to the project, it's that when I do the project I want it to be perfect so it's so time consuming.  When I re-read thank you notes I've written, I often find that they don't sound nearly as enthusiastic as I felt and intended (but goodness knows I use way too many exclamation marks already).

I want to put the item to use so I can properly thank the gift giver.

This is especially true with cash and gift cards; don't you want to know what I bought!?  The truth is that it can take me months to getting around to spending the gift (another procrastinator tendency: I want to put the gift to it's best use, but first I need to think about what that use is, and then I have to plan the trip to that store ...).  And with items that you receive, it may take time to work them into your routine, figure out how many cool uses there are, buy the required batteries, find a place for it in your home.  The problem with delaying the "thank you" note till a gift is put to use, is that it takes time, and after a while you get busy and forget.  Or the writing of the notes gets spaced out and you send some, but not others (maybe I'm just terribly disorganized).

Sometimes it takes me a while to really appreciate a gift.

I kind of hate having people watch me open presents.  Hubs and SIL are the BEST present openers.  You would think by watching them that every single thing they open is the best present ever.  I remember I once gave Hubs a gift that he thought was something else, and he gave me the most enthusiastic thanks, and a commentary about how hilarious it was, till I finally asked, "wait, do you know what this is?"  He didn't!  That left me rolling!  But with his enthusiasm and desire to be thankful for the gifts he's gotten, he rarely returns gifts.  This sometimes means that he has things that still have tags on them or are sitting in the closet unopened.  As a gift giver I hope that you like what I pick out, but more than that I want you to use and enjoy what you get.  If that means returning something, I'm SOO okay with it.  Seriously it doesn't hurt my feelings.  So back to the point: if I get something that I wasn't expecting, I don't always know if I love it right away.  I'm ALWAYS thankful for the thought put into it, and the money spent on it, etc, but generally I open something with more curiosity than enthusiasm.  I'm the type of person that when I try something on in a dressing room, I take a lot of time deciding if I really love it.  But when I love something, I usually grow to love it, it's not usually love at first sight.  Does this make me a terrible person?

I don't always have the addresses.

This is lame, I should be an adult and create an address book, so that I don't have to call Mom every time I need to mail something.

Sometimes I forget about them.

This is referring to after they are written.  I recently came across a set of 5 "thank you" notes from 2 years ago.  When we moved (2 years ago), I came across 2 for wedding gifts.  Again, I'm lame.

The funny thing about all of this: the longer I wait to write a "thank you" note the more I think about the gifts I got (as the process of expressing it to the giver is guiltily hanging over my head), the more thankful I am for the gift ... ponder that one!  However, I would like to resolve to not wait and to just buckle down & write a note as soon as I've received a gift.  If I get a chance and remember I hope to share with my gift giver how much more I've come to love their gift over time, and how many cool new uses I've found for them. Thank you notes are part of being a polite adult, and it's time for me to overcome my excuses.

If you've ever given me a gift, THANK YOU.  If you never received a formal note or had a conversation where I expressed my thanks ... THANK YOU!  I'm sorry I'm such a loser!